Who is the most aware of their flaws, but also gracious enough with themselves to not be defined by them? Who is most proud of their work, but also humble enough to not let it go to their head? Who knows who they are so well that even when there's an inconsistency in good days and bad days, and high performance and low, there's no inconsistency in who they know they are?
So I'll ask again, who is the most secure person you can think of?
I don't know the answer to that question... and I sat and thought about it for a while tonight.
If I named you as the most secure person I know, you'd probably disagree, and if you agreed, I probably wouldn't have named you in the first place.
I realize that security is a tricky thing... it's not something you get once, then you're set for life. It's not an unending trust fund, it's not learning how to ride a bike. It's not like those things because security doesn't work like that. Security, at least for me, comes and goes in waves... it comes when I am looking at something that's not me, and at the same time, it goes when I'm not even looking... so it's a tricky thing.
Life is constantly throwing stuff at you, or at least it's throwing stuff at me... and this is the conclusion I've come to.
I want to be a secure person. I want to be someone thought of when people are asked that initial question... but I also don't want to know that I'm that person. What I'm saying is that I want to be a secure person...
And it's not that I'm completely insecure in every area of my life ever... because that's not true. But I know that when I find myself secure in one area, I know there's probably an area that it's harder for me... and when that area is conquered, another pops up... and that's just how it goes...
But I don't want my insecurities to define me... I want my securities to set me apart from the norm.
So this is my assessment, this is what I've learned over time, this is what I have to remind myself of constantly if I'm going to live without being burdened constantly by the weight of my imperfections. When I know who Jesus is... and what He means to me, that's when I know who I am... and sometimes, who I am not.
Remember when I said security is usually lost when I'm not looking? By that I meant, if I stop thinking about what I should be thinking about to be secure, I lose my security without even realizing it. It's like a super small thing, but it kind of snowballs until I'm at all all time low when finally I realize I've lost focus on who I really am.
Remember when I said security comes when I'm looking at something that's not me? This is what I mean by that. When I'm caught up looking at myself, I start scrutinizing every little detail, I see every little blemish, and I blame it all on me as a person... "if I just fixed this... if I just manage that... if I just deal with those things..." and I beat myself up pretty bad. It's easy to see how terrible you are when all you do is look at how terrible you are... cause you, like me, probably have some pretty terrible attributes.
BUT when I start thinking about Jesus and who He is... I realize first a lot of great things that I am not, but I also see that there are a lot of things that He says I am... and it's those things that are spoken over me that I hold on to... it's those things that are called out in me that I claim. It's those things that He says I am that let me be secure in who I am. If I told I'm "more than a conquerer" then, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and walk like a conquerer, and even when I fall, I'm going to remind myself that just because I fell once doesn't mean I've lost the victory. I am not a failure. If I am "a new creation" then even when I act like my old self, I'm going to remind myself of who I really am. That old self is not me, so I'm going to move forward holding on to that new self. I am not a disappointment. I'm going to remember that I'm strong, not weak, and confident, not unstable, and courageous, not fearful, and faithful, not full of doubt, and bold, not timid, and kind, not harsh, and forgiving, not begrudging, and compassionate, not apathetic... and even when I feel like I'm failing in those areas, I'm going to remember that those things are who I am... and sometimes, who I am not.
But only because of Christ in me am I going to embody everything I hope to. Because if I keep trying to be all those things on my own, I will fail in those areas, but if I live with my mind set on Jesus in me I'm going to walk in those things naturally.
If I live with my mind set on myself, I'm going to attempt to walk in those things which are characteristics of Christ unnaturally and it's going to be super obvious and awkward. That's like when someone comes up to you acting like someone they know they're not and they believe they're not... and both of you can tell because they have it written all over their face. Don't be that guy. Don't try to pretend like you're awesome. Just live with you're eyes on Jesus and your self filled with the Spirit of the Living God, and His shining through you is going to be awesome without you even knowing it.
So, who is the most secure person you can think of? I hope one day you can confidently and not arrogantly say it's you.